I’ve heard of a crime of passion, but a crime of freshness!!! Chris Brown found himself in a situation that he couldn’t seem to tap dance his way out of. I will present nothing but the facts to prove the monster that really is Chris Brown A.K.A Pretty Boy.
The incident started Saturday night. Mr. Brown and Ms. Rihanna cozied up at a Pre-Grammy party to honor Clive Davis. On hand was fellow domestic violence victim, Whitney Houston. Whitney was radiant in one of her few “crack free” appearances.
Contrary to what most people believe, Chris Brown is the third cousin of fellow wife beater, Bobby Brown. Mr. Brown is also a distant relative of the soft spoken, but somewhat violent, Cleveland Brown. This clearly displays that Chris Brown has a history of violence in his family.
The incident started Saturday night. Mr. Brown and Ms. Rihanna cozied up at a Pre-Grammy party to honor Clive Davis. On hand was fellow domestic violence victim, Whitney Houston. Whitney was radiant in one of her few “crack free” appearances.
Contrary to what most people believe, Chris Brown is the third cousin of fellow wife beater, Bobby Brown. Mr. Brown is also a distant relative of the soft spoken, but somewhat violent, Cleveland Brown. This clearly displays that Chris Brown has a history of violence in his family.
Later that evening, on their way “home” to the swanky hotel that Rihanna paid for herself. Mr. Brown asked Rihanna for a piece of gum. Apparently he had been eating scallops all evening. Rihanna eagerly searched her purse for a fresh treat to please her lover boy. Ms. Rihanna handed Mr. Brown a stick of Trident Watermelon Twist.
A look of disgust filled Mr. Brown’s face.
Exhibit A:
Transcript of the 911 call made by Rihanna
Dispatcher: Thank you for calling 911, what’s your emergency?
Rihanna: Hello, Hello, Hello, ay, ay, ay,… (Chris Brown tap dancing in the background)
Dispatcher: How may I help you!!
Rihanna: He beat me down, ya know!
Dispatcher: (whispering in the background) Hey yall, I got Miss Cleo on the line, someone done beat her down. I bet she didn’t see that coming.
Rihanna: Hello, Hello, Hello, ay, ay, ay…
Chris: (singing and dancing) Double your pleasure, double your fun…
Rihanna: Please, can someone just bring me some damn Double Mint!!!
Police later arrived on the scene and a visibly shaken Rihanna was found with a black eye, apparently from a luxury umbrella of some sort, and a stick of Wrigley’s Double Mint gum was found in her hair.
Fact: Chris Brown is violent, as seen in his dance moves from the elbow-stop motion, to the in your face crumping techniques.
Fact: Rihanna is clearly the breadwinner in the relationship, which only infuriates a violent Chris Brown. She has endorsements from Cover Girl, Secret and Clinique. Chris Brown appeared on the Scream Tour with fellow premature adult, Bow Wow, and landed an endorsement with Wrigley in which he violently stomps and kicks a pack of gum throughout the commercial.
Fact: Chris Brown has Chiclets for teeth. Rihanna’s bite marks appeared to be large and had a hint of mintiness to them.
Fact: Rihanna calls out for help in her hit, Rehab. If you listen closely to the song, she disguises the word cigarettes for Wrigley Gum. She’s tired of supporting her man by chewing Double Mint!!!
This could be the rendering of the new Bobby and Whitney. Let’s take a look back:
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